I have emotionally shut down.
Poems
How can I build my home in sujood
How do I rid the stench I smell from my body
How can I eliminate the worlds whispers
Which grip me so tightly
How can I let go of a heart which is blackened
By lies, deceit and lust
How can I let my dhikr
Be as sweet as honey
How can I throw away
My grief
So far
How can I tell myself
Tayyaba you are working so hard
I wash my face
And my mascara runs down my cheeks
And I wash my face
Because I don’t want to feel my own tears
I wash inside my ears
To cleanse the gossips
And rinse my mouth which tell lies
I cleanse my arms
Which make me want to reach out to sin
I cleanse my feet which lead me
In the opposite direction from you
Yet every night
I plead to you
To heal my confusing heart
To give me courage to do what’s right
To stand on the goodness of morals
And I bow
Exhausted Of seeing this world
Asking Allah
How can I build my home
In my sujood
shopper bagon mein meri zindagi reh gaye hai
in these plastic bags are the remains of my life
undergarments, shoes, scrubs
Noor passed away
So i will write today
of her battles
and her secondary saddles which helped support
her legs
allah took her away
and now i pray her soul will be free
from the dunya
and what she wasn’t able to do
i pray she can fly
in burzakh
all her pain
and i think of pain
the ache of this dunya
my creator
make me your humble slave
draft
Therapy elizabeth 11/14/21
Draft
I guess my days are piling up on me
11.5 months
Im so in need of my husband. why? i just want his comfort but if he cant give me this, then where do i go?
Little accomplishments no one can take away from me. NO ONE.
Its been a while. i need clarity and therapy. and a better headspace
I don’t think i am able to write because I am experiencing so many things in the speed of lightening, so when i do sit…I cannot process just one thought. There are many faceless photos when i do hold up my phone camera because the enlightenment of capturing moments isn’t as exciting. Perhaps it is because I need to be settled to comprehend what I am feeling. Maybe it is just the simple transition. I open my medium page and wonder what exactly to write. My new idea to walk around and explore L.A and the passion of the street vendors selling all kinds of their different foods and culture while also understanding their way of life, kids and struggles. I hope i can transition my blog into something amazing. But then again, i think of transitions, and im trying to take it very slow to create something much more thoughtful yet super amazing. wish me luck.